vasisthadas's Xanga

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:04:30 GMT

Okay, GhostlyMishaps wants me to post. It has been a month or so. Probably time for a little update. Not much new is happening in life. I have a tai chi test tomorrow night. Still writing for PressednBound.net. Still watching all my friends get married off. Been doing that for a few years now.

Let's talk about that for a moment. One of the big themes of our culture in the US, at least as I have observed it, is the drive to get married. A common assumption is that when an unmarried individual, usually but not always a woman, observes people around her/him getting married s/he will want to get married as well. Personally, I just don't feel it. I've been watching my friends get married at a rate of 2-3 per year for three or four years now, but my marital impulse remains basically unchanged. It's not that I look down on marriage in general. I just don't see the point outside of a few very specific situations.

Now, marriage is a lovely thing that can be very meaningful for the two people involved. It's a bond/promise/etc. That's all very nice. Practically, though, I see it's greatest use as a child-rearing tool. The government really shouldn't have any involvement in its definition or encouragement. Religious institutions have a greater stake here, though, because they are typically integral to how humans interact with children and other loved ones. (This is not a post about gay marriage, polygamy, or any other hot button issue. Here, I'm talking about adult relationships without touching on numbers, genders, fertility, wealth, or other factors I see as basically nonessential.)

The simple truth is that I don't want children. At least, not right now. I don't participate in any specific religious institution, so that obligation doesn't weigh on me. When I was in India, an old man asked me when I would be married and have children. He was surprised that a man of my age, 24 at the time, might not be engaged. I said I had no plans. He said, "But without children, you can have... no life." Argument seemed unwise for several reasons, including our language barrier. His statement isn't reflective of everyone who wants children, but it's an example of a position I just don't share.

When I'm asked if I will get married, usually the questioner looks at Dear Reader. She has an even greater aversion to marriage than I do. Given what marriage has meant in the past for women, I can hardly blame her. What strikes me as unlikely is the idea that marriage would somehow make us a better couple, somehow more together. I actually like the fact that we lack marriage as a social force in our relationship. If one or the other of us splits, there won't be any stigma of causing a divorce, being a divorce(e). The option to leave our little arrangement ultimately makes the staying more special, I think.

That all being said, I have enjoyed watching most of my friends getting married. The ceremonies are very meaningful to them, and they declare beautiful things to each other. I know that there isn't some magical power keeping married couples together. They make the daily choice to stay together, just like we do. They have their way, and I have mine. I respect the decision, even if I don't intend to follow it myself.

I suppose all of this is really just to say, "No, Mom. I don't plan on getting married anytime soon. Please stop asking for grandbabies."

your people built it, you should ride for free

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 15:08:57 GMT

As usual, I haven't had time to upload pictures yet. Dear Reader put the photos on facebook, but I'll get them on photobucket eventually.

I was really pleased with the whole evening. It was a better turn out than I saw at any event on campus while I was at the university. We had several hundred people, all in fervent agreement that peace and quiet was the best response. Of course, there were some stupid people. One young man, remarkably stoned, was wrapped in a bed sheet and calling himself black Jesus. Others held up signs saying things like "God hates hateful Christians." More than 99% of us, though, were awesome. We professed and practiced love that night.

The WBC players had a permit to protest for 45 minutes, but they left almost twenty minutes early. That made us all feel good. A mass of people, all gathered with the intention of respecting everyone's rights, can make a statement just by their presence. That night, our message got across. No one was converting to their church. No one was even listening to their slogans. If there is such a thing as a moral victory, sure that was one.

think how lame you'll feel if you get partied out by this

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:20:31 GMT

Hello, again. I have news. I hope you're sitting down. I heard this news while I was driving. It almost ended badly.

Fred "I get hard when I hate on gays" Phelps and his WBC players will be visiting my alma mater tomorrow night. The school is putting on The Laramie Project, a play around the death of Matthew Shepherd. Fred "I'm gay for hating gays" Phelps hates the memory of Matthew Shepherd more than he hates military funerals, so he's driving down to stage a little protest.

And I'm going to be there with bells on. When I first heard, I was so excited that I couldn't stop shouting about it for two days. How often do you get to see The Adversary acting in person? It's like the circus is coming to town, but instead of being cruel to animals they just try to get you to hit them so they can sue you. They'll be around from around 7:15 to 8:00, if they don't get run off first.

Woohoo! Hateful extremism!

just because you hear no argument doesn't mean you're right

Friday, October 17, 2008

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 16:03:48 GMT

So, as part of my job, I process raw audio recordings of math lectures. I do thinks like splice in edits, cut out audible mouse clicks, and other stuff like that. Because of the format for these lectures, I also edit pieces of audio that sound like this, "And in this problem, we'll have a remainder. Go ahead and do the division. That's right. No, here our answer is going to be 3 with a remainder of 1." Here, I would cut out "That's right" and save it as correct1.wav and then cut out "No, here our answer is going to be 3 with a remainder of 1" and save it as wrong1.wav so that they can be exported for use in the actionscript that makes interactive questions in the lecture. Needless to say, I listen to every lecture I work with over and over and over and over again. (Because we're working with 4th grade math, I've gotten really good at carrying.)

Now, here's the part that adds a layer of strangeness. You may already know that I'm actually working for the two brothers who ran my high school. The older one is the lecturer who does the recordings above. He's a nice enough guy, but he lives a life free from irony of any kind. Anyone who knows me will tell you how seriously I take things like irony, rhetorical distance, and the ability both to analyze and to laugh at oneself. I don't think I've ever heard this guy tell or laugh at a joke. We first met in 1997. Perhaps, to me, he will always be the bland math teacher I knew as a teenager.

Anyway, back to the audio lectures. To keep the kids engaged, we do a lot of things like small animations in the video component to the lectures, add sound effects, and generally try to keep things interesting for 10-year-olds. One of the ways we do that with the audio is by keeping the lecture conversational and varying the responses to right answers. If the student enters a right answer, he or she could hear "Correct" or "That's it" or "You got it." They might even hear "Great!" if it was a hard question. This morning, I edited a response that started with "Totally awesome!" I just wanted you all to understand how weird it was for me to hear the voice that taught me geometry say "totally awesome." It was like listening to Eric Cartman trying to speak Chinese. The words somehow couldn't fit in his mouth, so what came out was a parody of what others had exclaimed in moments of joy. At least, that's how I heard it.

all around the world hearts pound with the rhythm

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 14:03:17 GMT

So, I'm blogging from work again. The server is being a bum and taking forever to process my transfers, and here we are.

I had a little freak out a couple of weeks ago. It was one of those slow freak outs that make you think maybe you're losing your marbles. Maybe you never had any marbles. Maybe you really, really want some marbles. Maybe bad enough to take somebody else's marbles.

My cool was suffering serious damage. Anyway, I've decided I want to get back in school sooner rather than later. After talking to an old prof, I'm looking at comp/rhet programs. A lot of schools look nice. North Carolina, Illinois, Indiana, Texas, and a few others jump out. Of course, Oklahoma is in the bunch, too. More later when there's more later.

I've been playing a lot of Spore lately. I fucking love Spore. I just conquered an interstellar empire, made peace with them, and forged an alliance with them. Just to cap it all off, I'm thinking of buying their last remaining star system. As is my wont, I started with a pretty peaceful m.o. I only wage war when I really have to. I've only effaced two species from the universe. My next critter, though, I'm thinking of making a total war-monger, a carnivore with fangs and shit.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 19:57:03 GMT

So, I'm not doing a real post today. Here's a poem I've been working on instead. Yes, poetry follows. You've been warned.

I've been working on a love poem for a while now. I don't have any particular reason except that I'm really bad at them and would like to get better. It would be a lie, though, to say that I didn't think of Dear Reader once or twice while composing this. My starting point here was a Mike Doughty line. It serves as the title now, but there's probably a better one out there.

"I hear your name called out from passing cars"

Bubbling out of a drain,
brushing through the fronds of
a tiny foxtail fern.

My cat's long meow,
spark from a carpet,
and tea ball's plop-bop.

I hear your name from tiny places.
It sends a warm rush of comfort and
eases my mind to quiet spaces,

and the infatuations
that make a love worth having
and make a lust so maddening

jump out from the backdrop
of things that fall apart
and come back together.

In the changing world I
grasp for some constancy,
your name and tiny things.

for 25 long minutes

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:46:35 GMT

KEY-rist! It's been a month. I can't believe it's been so long since I last updated.

Erasmus is bigger now. I'm calling a vet this afternoon to make an appointment to get the boy's gnads removed. He's taken to partying in the bathtub.

I'm a content writer at Pressed&Bound now. I've done a few books and a movie. I missed my update last weekend, but this weekend's will be a good one.

Last night, I decided to cut down on my television intake. When I get stuck in a rut or depressed, I fall into a habit of just watching television indiscriminately. The box turns on for House or something else I enjoy, and it just stays on until I get too sleepy to make it through the next show. It's a really stupid habit, and I hate that I fall into it.

Yesterday afternoon, I met with an old professor for lunch. She was the only professor I had in college who really treated me as an equal. Hell, she even took me as an undergraduate teaching assistant and told me to start using her first name instead of observing the usual formalities. We met at my request. I had troubles to lay out before her. Thank God she was willing to hear me out. Next post, I'll write more about that. I have some things to discuss with Dear Reader first.

the plop-bop of the tea ball

Monday, September 01, 2008

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 18:18:40 GMT

Okay, I haven't uploaded in a while because of work things and life things. Also, I still don't have the sword pictures because they're on Dear Reader's camera and I'm a moron who can't use any technology more complex than a disposable fountain pen.

But, I do have half of what I promised. Here are five pictures of Erasmus. What LiveJournal would be complete without cat pictures? Let me tell you--not this one.

http://s536.photobucket.com/albums/ff329/vasisthadas/?action=view&current=n68200755_30660658_9481.jpg

it tastes like peanut butter and victory

Monday, August 11, 2008

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 19:53:42 GMT

Blugh. Been busy. Work has been heavy lately, but I'm also working on joining up with the boys at PressednBound. More on that when there's more on that.

Dear Reader and I have a kitten now. His name is Erasmus, but we usually only call him that when he's been naughty. Usually, we call him Ras (raz). Next post should be a photo dump featuring Sparrow's sword and Erasmus. Dear Reader has some cute pictures of him.

Last Friday, three guys showed up to the kung fu school and asked for some friendly sparring matches. Pianist and I were the only ones there who could fight them, but only two of them wanted to tussle anyway. We did four matches of gloveless sparring. The two guys who fought were big on the Southern Five Animals forms but were familiar with a kind of Hung Gar. They were both very pleasant gentlemen, and it was a pleasure to get to know them. They promised to try to come back this Friday for more fun. The third visitor, the one who didn't fight, claimed teaching proficiency with a kind of White Crane kung fu from Fu Jiao province. I'd never heard of it, but I'm curious to see what it looks like. He claims it incorporates much theory from Tai Chi Chuan.

there's a jerk at the end

Friday, July 25, 2008

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:34:50 GMT

Two days ago, I chatted with Sparrow, whom you'll remember from the saga with the ancient sword. (I do still intend to post pictures of that, by the way.) She asked me what I'm doing lately, and I told her about my job with educational software and how basically I do work, martial arts, and sleep. I told her how my only day off is Sunday, but I spend those mornings watching kids at Mom and Dad's UU church for extra money. She said she had thought I must be a teacher somewhere and then lamented that I don't teach in a classroom. She thinks I'm a good teacher. Her compliments really gave me the warm fuzzies. She's so dear.

My job isn't great. I make just enough to pay my bills and have no benefits. Almost all the people are fabulous to work with, but that's really the only upside. I feel some ambivalence about my life right now. Some parts are really great, but others are deeply unfulfilling.

George Carlin once said that most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough to keep them from quitting. That's basically where I am with my job. Normally, I would feel bad for just scraping by, but mostly I just feel like my bosses are getting what they pay for.

Dear Reader really wants to go to graduate school. I do too, but her job is even worse than mine, so I imagine she feels her motivation more intensely. The problem is that there are some things here that I'm not sure I could find elsewhere. My martial arts community is something very special. My family and many of my friends are around here.

The biggest question is: what do I want to do? Philosophy school is probably out. There was an ivory tower quality to my time at CUA that I'm sure most philosophy programs share. Would a comp/rhet program make me happy? A couple of my old English professors told me, in no uncertain terms, that it would. There's a university near here with a comp/rhet program, but my estimation of that school as an educational institution would have to change drastically before I applied there. One professor wanted me to go to "NYU or someplace and have a graduate school adventure." Sparrow didn't like that idea at all.

get rid of that folder once you retrieve all the files from it